The brain is a fun place….

You might ask why I title my blog post this but the brain is so cool in all that it can do and my reflection goes through my journey in epilepsy.  I’m not entirely sure where to begin my blog but I wanted to thank my family, friends, roommates, and coworkers who have come along this journey with me. I’ve tried a myriad of medication over the past decade all of them have helped with the seizure symptoms somewhat but not completely and they caused an additional problem. Problems ranging from sentence construction, loss of focus, headaches, crazy vivid dreams, enhanced auditory senses, nausea and loss of interest in food. I had a hard time at work and started having more seizures at work. It made my chefs and co-workers nervous around me like I was a bomb just waiting to detonate and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

I couldn’t continue to live in fear. So in November I participated in a sleep study where my neurologist collected data on my seizures and proposed I get a new implant surgery. VNS or Vagus Nerve Stimulation implant was something I had read about in studies and had recently met a girl who was a couple years younger than me that had had the surgery and it had done wonders for her. After thinking it over I decided to go for it because in my mind there wasn’t another option. I was able to get time off work, insurance helped pay for the surgery and I found out that I was the first person in asheville to have the newest model installed and monitored in asheville.

I’m two weeks post surgery and they decided that today would be a good day to turn on the device. I was a little nervous walking into the doctors office this morning, almost an hour early for my appointment, not entirely sure what I should expect. I was led through the labyrinth, that is the doctors office, by the nurse while she rattled off the generic questions to which my answers rarely change to their biggest exam room. The nurse briefly left me in the room before my neurologist came in followed by her entourage of three other VNS reps.

Over the next few months they are going to be working on increasing my “dose” with the goal of reaching “1” for the device right now I am at .25 for 30 second intervals every 5 minutes It also reads my heart rate and if it spikes rapidly like 60-84 in 5 seconds it will send a .37 current because often times increase in heart rate is an indicator that a seizure will proceed so this feature attempts to neutralize that. Another feature is the magnets which I will keep on my person in the event where I feel like a seizure might happen or if someone sees me having a seizure they can take the really strong magnet and swipe it across my heart (where the device is implanted) and it delivers a dose twice as strong as the normal for 1 minute.

Eight hours later my comments would be sometimes it takes my breath away. I feel like had a workout today when I didn’t do a whole lot. Sometimes it makes me cough of suddenly intake air. Sometimes it feels like mild suffocation with the pressure and feels like someone took one of those cheap dry erase markers with the erasers on the cap and after it had been used for awhile rubs it up and down in the same spot on my vocal chord. Not super pleasant but I’m hoping that over time I will grow used to it and that I can be another success story. I want to look back on this year and see change. Thanks for all of your continued prayers and support!


Published in: on April 1, 2017 at 1:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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The Gospel: changing hearts through your neighbor

So my last post was The gospel :changing hearts and changing lives. I’m still processing, but I’ve decided to continue sharing my thoughts. Last time we talked about different types of relationships. Family, marriage and neighbor. Marriage and Family is easy enough to understand but neighbor? Who is our neighbor? In the gospels a religious leader came up to Jesus and asked him what the greatest commandment was. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and the second like it Love your neighbor as yourself” that begs the question who is my neighbor?  “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ 36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” Luke 10:30-36

The Samaritan did what nobody else had taken the initiative to do. To give without expecting something back. To love without expecting to be loved back. So if thats a neighbor, and family are those related to you and marriage is between man and wife where does the dating relationship come into play? Well to be honest it’s not a biblical relationship. It says to love each other younger men/women as brothers and sisters, older men/women as mother/fathers treating them with respect and with purity as a sister. (1 timothy 5) The fact that all I have to do is love my neighbor and not worry about if so and so likes me or how to make it come across that I like him….just love him like a brother… has totally rocked my world. I love that it takes all pressure to find “the one” off of me and onto God. God already knows who is right for me so why worry about what I can’t control? Just love everyone as Christ would love them and then everything else will fall into place. Wow that went in a totally different direction than i had originally planned. Until next time

Published in: on March 27, 2013 at 11:03 pm  Leave a Comment  
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colors through the fog

This past weekend a few friends and I went to the cascades. I was absolutly beautiful to see God’s creation in the top right there’s a rainbow in the falls. I’ve been struggling with gossip as of late and I’ve been blind to it. I hear it all day and it’s so much easier to be the listener and feel included in their life than walk away. But I wasn’t called to complain, I wasn’t called to talk about people behind their back. I wasn’t called to be dishonest. I was called to be an encouragement, I was called to be blameless, I was called to be righteous. But sometimes it’s hard to see the line. It’s hard to see the rainbow through the fog. But God promises that if we seek Him he will provide in abundance. Matthew 5 (which I’ve been studying in bstud) talks about characteristics of God’s people. Poor in spirit and being humble, Mourning our sin b/c even though in christ we are forgiven it still hurts him that we would choose our sin nature over the special life he desires for us. Meekness being humble, not trying to be right everytime. Hungering and desiring righteousness. If we desire the right things of God then we won’t want to sin. It is repulsive to us. We look at the time we enjoyed sinning as a thing of the past and the living the righteous life of God as something we are doing now and in the future. Why would I want the things of the flesh when He is more than enough and continually fills me with his presence.

Lyric composition

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted idk why but I guess I havn’t been in the mood to write. I’ve had time but maybe it’s also been I havn’t had the time where I was dropped off at the library and the only thing the computer would do was let me write. Since I’ve last written I’ve gotten a job at a mexican place similar to Chipotle as a prepcook there. I won’t say I love or hate it, it’s just nice to have money again and the people aren’t bad for the most part. I’ve really loved getting to know the college kids from church of the holy spirit this summer they really show community and it’s really great to be where the Holy Spirit is moving. I’ve realized this summer since the theme of the summer was change that there is change that happens within between you and God and then there is change that happens between two people if both people are Christians then there is alot of overlap because where two or more Christians are Christ is there too. I realized when someone talks about the things they did before they came to Christ and now they recognize them as sinful we believe that the past is the past and when they came to Christ and were washed by the lamb the old is gone and the new has come they are a new creation and it’s a beautiful thing to watch as Christ transforms their life.

I was at work yesterday and we always listen to the radio and sometimes I jam out other times I tune it out but yesterday as I was listening to the lyrics I was dumbfounded that people in our day and age couldn’t come up with more creative, or meaningful lyrics than… I whip my hair back and forth, I’m sexy and I know it…I work out, girl shut your lips do the helen keller and talk with your hips. Really? Really?Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks i’d say song artists need to get things straight. Then you have the other extreme where Christian artists have the lyrics right but the song is like a lullaby not something I want to jam out to when I’m working out. So basically, Everybody has a story to tell,  whether in song or rap or through living your life, maybe not the story you meant to, Everybody has a story to tell the people and the places you went to. (soup, soap, salvation)

Published in: on August 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm  Leave a Comment  

Goal setting

Summer projects… Everyone has  them. one of mine was to strip the wallpaper on the top half, get new curtains and paint either both the bottom and the top or just the top.  The wallpaper came down without a hitch, curtains took a little longer b/c shopping takes time and the paint took the longest trying to decide on what color blue and brown would be best. but here’s a picture of the end result! (sry for the bad lighting)


my next project is redoing my room which involves making a cranberry duvet for my bed I’m about halfway done. I just started the sewing of each square today so we shall see how long that takes. then I’m going to paint my room cream.

Goals are good motivators in your life they drive you to be better than who you are at the moment. Without them you would be a stagnant person and may never learn or try anything new.

My next summer goal : complete May 2013 triathlon Wish me luck

Published in: on June 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Summer projects

Since I can’t seem to find a job what better way to spend my time this summer than to start a project, other than sit by the pool or go hiking those are good summer activities too, but I’m planning on making a duvet inspired by my trip too milwakee when we went into the store anthropologie. I fell in love with one of their bedspreads sad part it was $400 so I was told I could make it. I’m making it crimson and planning on making it in roughly 60 days (56 squares a couple days for planning and cutting and a few days for assembling 1 day for each square 🙂 Once this project is complete I can finish my room renovation and paint and find new curtains! Yay! I need a job for all these projects ha!

Published in: on June 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm  Leave a Comment  
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The end is near!!

for those of you wondering I did finish my 100 miles in 100 days (2 miles short but walked them a couple days later so it counts :-P)  I’m halfway done with exams I’m taking a super important exam tonight to get my sanitation certification, I have one practical where I have to make 24 chocolate truffles and then I have another exam friday morning. Derby day is may 4th and 5th then graduation is the 11th!!! I got my cap and gown today super excited. I’m ready to just start a new season. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” Isaiah 43:19 I’ve been putting out alot of job applications and it’s discouraging when I don’t hear anything back but at the same time I know that there is a bigger picture. I take heart in knowing that Christ has overcome the world and nothing gets overlooked by him.

Published in: on April 25, 2012 at 7:07 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A nun’s valentine

So random valentine’s House tangent Ready? Go!! I go on these spurts where I watch house religiously then not at all then sporadically then I remember how great it is and continue watching it again. So I’m just now getting back into it and the last episode was about this patient who was going to become a Nun and she came to the hospital and was really struggling with the fact of was she really being called? Or was it something she just wanted to do for herself? She was challenged by the dr. to really ask herself was she ready to take a vow of silence to never talk to a human being again to never touch a human again and devote the rest of her days to prayer. I’ve thought about that and I love people I would go crazy if I couldn’t be around them. To never touch someone again would be very suppressing. This valentine’s day was the first time in over 6yrs I have had a date for valentine’s day and being free to hold someone’s hand brings joy to my soul. I don’t feel guilty for saying that b/c that’s the way I was designed God is still first and thats the way it will stay.

Published in: on February 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Forward motion

So after years of wondering if this was never going to happen again it is. I’m excited b/c it means I’m moving forward and i’m proves that i’m not stuck in a rut like I’ve felt for the past six years. Why do I feel the need for people to reassure me of what I know to be true? No matter what happens after tonight God is God and he is sovereign and that will always be enough.

Published in: on February 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm  Leave a Comment  

Immunity is it still a good thing?

So, After I read the Hunger Games which like every other person who has read it I fell in love with it and can not wait… till the movie comes out!! Though I can see some aspects where hollywood could mess it up it should be a good movie. But when I mentioned the movie to someone else they weren’t so sure they wanted to see it thinking it might be a bit scary or at least not in theatres. It got me thinking how is it that this society has gotten so immune to the violence that gladiator and watching innocent people suffer on tv/movies doesn’t phase us. The vulgar language that is used in the lyrics of songs some of which teens listen to. The sexual display on screen is atrocious and the younger generation makes actors their roll models when we portray them as whores and adulterers then what kind of society are we building? God tells us to be In the world but not of it. It means different things to different people but we are ambassadors for Christ how you live on a daily basis should reflect Christ’s life. I’m not telling you whether you should watch the hunger games but here’s the trailer 🙂



Published in: on January 23, 2012 at 2:10 am  Leave a Comment  
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